I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Randomize
