my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
