Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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