Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
