I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just had sex on a roof
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
