I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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