If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Found your dick twin last night
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
