He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
