I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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