I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
