You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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