Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
