so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
