I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I love having hate sex.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
