it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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