I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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