Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
