I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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