Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
