I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
