I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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