I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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