My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
