I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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