Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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