I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
