i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
