there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
