I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
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