Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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