if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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