we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
