Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
