I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
