I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
