dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
NoShamevember. You game?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
