I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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