weddingsv make me drug and hornr
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
