Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
