I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
