Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
