dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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