I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
