wanna go halves on a baby?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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