I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
