I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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