I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
