areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
