i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
