this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
