God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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